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Trauma
Trauma occurs when an individual is exposed to an event by either witnessing or experiencing an event(s) where actual or threatened death or serious injury is involved to yourself or to others. Such events are extremely stressful.
For example, trauma can occur from a car accident, harassment, bullying, from being molested or assaulted, abortion, domestic violence, living with an alcoholic, catastrophic events, or other such events.
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Not all scars have physical marks, but verbal, emotional, and mental abuse can be even more harmful.
Verbal/emotional abuse is anything that the abuser says or does to the victim which causes the victim to be afraid, lowers the victim's self esteem, or manipulates the victim's emotions in order to control the victim's behavior. It is designed to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. It can include verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics like intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.
Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in her perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it be by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance" or teaching, the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient loses all sense of self as it slowly eats away at the victim's self-esteem until they are incapable of judging the situation realistically. They has become so beaten down emotionally that they blame themselves for the abuse. Their self-esteem is so low that they cling to the abuser.
If you have been abused or assaulted, it is not your fault. We can help end the cycle of abuse, learn healthy relationship patterns, and help you identify red flags in partners.
DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.
VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.
ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.
UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.
This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.
An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.
GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity.
CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement.
Verbal abuse is usually hidden. It takes a long time to recover. It is very traumatizing. It can go on for the length of a long relationship without becoming physical. Also, it precedes and is part of physically abusive and threatening relationships--ones where a person is hit, pushed, shoved, or witnesses demonstrations of violence. Verbal abuse is like mind control that the victim may doubt their sanity. Allow us to help you get out of these harmful and unhealthy relationships, and to learn about healthy relationship behaviours. You deserve a loving, stable, and safe relationship.
TYPES OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE:
VERBAL & NON-VERBAL ABUSE
COMMON SIGNS OF VERBAL & NON-VERBAL ABUSE:
☐ Threatening or intimidating to gain compliance
☐ Destruction of the victim’s personal property and
possessions, or threats to do so
☐ Yelling or screaming
☐ Name-calling
☐ Constant harassment
☐ Embarrassment, making fun of, or mocking the
victim, either alone, in front of family, friends, in public
☐ Criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments
or goals
☐ Not trusting the victim’s decision-making
☐ Telling the victim they are worthless on their own
☐ Excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends
& family
☐ Excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they
are at home or where they said they would be
☐ Blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels
☐ Making the victim feel that there is no way out of the
relationship
☐ Violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of
furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim,
as a way of instilling fear of future violence
☐ Making the victim remain on the premises after a fight,
or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to
"teach them a lesson"
☐ Saying hurtful things while under the influence of
drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse
to say hurtful things
Relationship abuse, or domestic violence, is a pattern of behaviour used by one partner to gain power and control over the other person in a romantic. It can take many forms, including physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
The effects of relationship abuse can be long-lasting and severe. Victims may experience physical injuries, such as bruises, broken bones, and head injuries. They may also suffer from mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In some cases, victims may even die as a result of the abuse.
It's important to recognize the signs of relationship abuse so that you can get help if you need it. Some common signs of relationship abuse include:
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Your partner tries to control who you talk to or spend time with
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Your partner gets angry or jealous when you spend time with friends or family
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Your partner puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself
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Your partner threatens you or makes you feel scared
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Your partner hits, pushes, or hurts you in any way
If you or someone you know is experiencing relationship abuse, there are resources available to help. Remember, relationship abuse is never okay, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in your relationships. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
We invite you to talk to us confidentially about your situation. You are not at fault. So long as you are stuck in an unhealthy relationship, you cannot find the healthy relationship that is waiting for you. Let us help get you to your healthy partnership.
RELATIONSHIP ABUSE:
The Canadian National Clearing House defines sexual abuse as, “the use of a child for any form of sexual activity or behaviour by an adult or adolescent. It is a betrayal of trust by someone who has power over the child”. 92% of the time, perpetrators are family, relatives, and friends - people that you know, not strangers!
1 in 3 girls/women are reported to have experienced sexual abuse or assault, and 1 in 6 boys/men have experienced the same. You are not alone!
Many people who have been abused fear that they will not be believed. It is important to tell someone who you trust; and if they don’t believe you or don’t do anything about it, keep telling someone. You can call a social worker, therapist, or family doctor and they will help you through. There are many people who will believe you and support you.
People who have experienced abuse, assault, or trauma are often consumed by surviving (symptoms of the trauma) which prevents them from focusing upon addressing the larger issue within their own life (the actual abuse, assault, or trauma). Yet once you are able to address the actual incident(s) and begin the healing process, your life will begin to reassemble itself and you will notice changes in all areas of your life. You can heal from abuse, enabling you to live a full, satisfying and happy life.
We can help. You have been so courageous to get through the abuse, allow us to help you pave the way to recovery. The trauma does not define your life. Allow us to help you through this process.
CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE:
"Before receiving treatment for my relationship traumas, I felt like I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of pain and fear. Now I can live my life without feeling constantly overwhelmed by my past experiences or toxic relationships. i know what signs to watch for in unhealthy relationships and I will not go back to that pattern. I am so grateful for their support and guidance, and would highly recommend their services to anyone in need. My therapist provided me with great support, tools, and strategies throughout the entire process."
R. M